"Spring" Cleaning

My dad was cleaning the garage... and by cleaning the garage, I mean moving things around so that he is the only one who knows where to find anything. His organization only makes sense in his ADHD mind.

My parents are kind of hoarders. Not so much that I feel a need to take them onto TV and have an intervention. And not so much that I feel like they are living in filth. And not so much that I cannot move from one room to another... but the parents just don't like to throw anything away. The second they get rid of something they know they are going to need it... Yes... you are going to NEED that wedding veil you found and that shadow boxed creepy Japanese doll thing... Why??

When I commented about how he and the mom do not want to get rid of anything... he responded that he has thrown some stuff out recently...

"Some things I threw away because they were an indictment on my bad behavior as a youth."

The jury has reached a verdict.

Pops was on the LAPD back in the dizay. This is one reason why we were all so surprised that he was still chosen to be put on a jury. But I guess they asked him if he thought he could be impartial and he stated that he could be. He even commented about feeling sorry for the guy on trial because he looked like a deer in headlights not knowing what to expect... Post deliberation, however, I got this gem from Papa J:

"Puttin' a homeboy in jail... just like the good ol' days..."

Juror # 2

Papa J is on a jury... he is juror #2... I don't think much more needs to be said at this time...

Sound Advice from a Father

I was helping my sister with something that involved my being in full hair and make up... we are talking 2.5 hours of curling my hair and applying paint to my face so that I could be presentable in a digital, and eventual very public world... yikes... I am a little nervous... but that is not the point of this post...

Here is the interaction that took place with my father later that evening.

Me: "I'm all dressed up with no place to go."

Papa: "I've heard that some women stand on the corner... men will just pick you up.... and then they take you places.... AND they pay you... so you will have something to do and have money... you should try it."

Awesome.

Pills are good....

"I gotta find something that gives me energy. I don't know what gives me energy...except the white powdery stuff."

(For some reason that statement made me think of this)

Only kind words are spoken

Scene: Brad is upstairs in the loft. My father and I are downstairs in the family room. Both parties are yelling back and forth so that the other can hear in their current location.

Brad: Are you talking to me?

Dad: Did I say say shit head?

Brad: No

Dad: Then I am not talking to you.

Brad: You don't call me that anyway

Dad: Oh... Ok...

Nothin' but class

My father decided to take my mom out for dinner. He thought that he would class it up, and decided to wear a tie. My mom was not impressed, but I was... and this is how I got invited to the dinner plans.

It is always surprising that my mom has not yet just decided to think my dad is funny, but is still so disapproving. Maybe she feels this is her role, and she is just owning it. But some of this stuff is gold.

On the way to dinner, the madre was talking about people from church. They have immaculate homes, they have a lot of energy, they are righteous people. My father chimes in, "I can be self righteous too, if you want me to be." Cue mom reaction, "I didn't say self righteous, I just said righteous." Cue Jaime reaction, "Hahahahahaha."

While at dinner the ma was saying that she would never want someone (i.e. my brother or I ...not said but totally implied) to get married, just so they are married. The pa, under his breath, said, "Yeah....(sigh)...that's what I did."

We got in the car, and we were driving home. We were turning out of the parking lot when my father asked, "Do you want to stop somewhere, or go straight home?" My mom said that she wanted to just go straight home. He asked, "Would you like to stop at Stater Brothers?" She obviously answered that she did not. "Would you like to stop at Henry's?" No, she did not. "Would you like to stop here?" He asked as he approached a read light. "Too late." And he ran the red light. My mother immediately started talking about him getting a ticket. I immediately started laughing drowning out whatever it was she was saying.

We got home. They were walking inside the door. And my father gave one last jab. "Don't trip until after I get you insured."

Good times for Pa and I... I am not sure how the mom felt though...

42 years of bliss

My parents have been married for 42 years. That is a long time. It seems crazy that they have been married for so long... that anyone has been married for that long. I can barely find someone I want to talk to 2 days in a row, let alone live with for 42 years.

It was their anniversary the other day. I walked out to the family room, my dad was sitting on the couch. I asked, "You aren't working today?"

"No, I volunteered to take the day off." He responded.

I responded back to him, "You gonna hang out with mom?"

"Nah...she's too old.."

And for you entertainment... an awkward family photo...Well, Ash and I look good.

This just in.

Breaking News.

I just learned something about Pops that is awesome.

He puts an old, broken cell phone in his car.

Why? That was my question...

"In case someone breaks in. It gives them something to steal. And I like to imagine how disappointed they are when it doesn't work."

I can't help but wonder if his car will be broken into just because he has a cell phone out in view... but this is irrelevant as far as Papa J is concerned.

I told you it was awesome.

Call for confrontation.

I have been on a gluten free diet for awhile now (life changing for me.) At the beginning of the year, my mother decided to jump on and see if it could help her to feel better. The pops loves to cook and loves to experiment, so there have been many delicious, yet many failed GF cooking attempts.

Baking has always been my mom's thing, and is one of the reasons she didn't want to go GF. I have decided to get my booty in gear and I started eating a fairly strict diet that is high in lean proteins. And just as I begin this diet, my mom jumps on the GF baking bandwagon. She is making cookies, banana bread, and bread she claims "tastes just like homemade bread toasted."

I came home to another batch of GF cookies on the counter. I asked Pops, "Are these cookies gluten free?" He confirmed that they were. I said, "Mom is killing me with this baking right when I am changing my diet." I expected a humorous response, but not one quite like this.

His response:

"Well...get in her face!"

pause.

"Say, "Listen biotch...""

pause.

"Sometimes you gotta get hard."

Not cool Pa.

So...I am living with my parental units right now. I am not proud of it. But there it is. When I downsized from my 3 bedroom townhouse to a bedroom at my parents, I needed a place to store my stuff that I will need once I get my own place here in So Cal. I was going to get a storage unit in Utard (cheaper than California.) My father scoffed at the idea. He told me there was plenty of room in his garage for my belongings. This is the back story to the following exchange.

My older sister is clearing out her house, painting, and organizing. My dad went over to get the recliner they borrowed when the twins were born. She told Papa J that if his garage was cleared out they could rent it instead of a storage unit. They could pay around 80 bucks a month to use it. My father responded that it would be a better idea if he kicked me out. Then they could use my room for storage.

Rude.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Apparently Pops was watching People's Court, which is hilarious to me within itself. There was a case involving a patient and her dentist. The patient is saying that the dentist performed a bad root canal on her. She is suing the dentist for his alleged mistakes. My father commented to my sister regarding the case. He stated, "I'd tell her not to come back. Toooooo ugly."

As a side note, the man CANNOT separate personality from looks. If he doesn't respect someone. If he believes them to be unkind, uncaring, disrespectful...they are ugly. He lacks to ability to be objective about it. He cannot say, "If I didn't know her...I could see how one may think she is pretty." Nope. You hear things like, "She is ugly. She is a witch." It is AMAZING.

Boo and Pops Combo

The combination of my little brother and the Papa J is nothing less than amazing. I hear so many good exchanges, and I forget to make a note of them! How dare I... but here is one that took place the other day. We stopped at this weird country market thing... (no idea how to describe it.) Boo Rad was eager to get home, as he wanted some serious computer time. (Obsessed much?) Boo was trying to ask what my dad was getting without coming across as pushy.

"So...you are just picking up oranges, right dad?"
"Oranges...Babes..." the pops exits the car and walks into the creepy weird market.

Not a reaction at all from the mom or the Boo...I, on the other hand, immediately texted the other siblings. And then I felt validated in my amusement.

A teenage heartthrob?

While at a belated Christmas Party with the paternal side of my family, I was reminded of some stories about the good ol' Papa J. There were some new ones too. It would seem that my father was quite creative in the ways of wooing the women as a teenager.

This story is one that my father LOVES to tell. He is proud of the trickery that was involved. Apparently Disneyland has always been a pricey adventure. Therefore, if you took your date to Disneyland, you were considered a high roller and a good catch. The pops, on numerous occasions, but never with the same girl, pulled this fast one. He would make the date for Sunday. He and his friend would take their lovely dates to Disneyland... but alas Disneyland was CLOSED (as it was on every Sunday.) My father would act stunned and disappointed about the hours. They would then take their dates to Knott's Berry Farm (which was free.) Class act...

The next story is one that my aunt told. She said that my dad and his friend would take girls to the drive inn. They would leave the car to go get treats for everyone. When they left for the snack bar the girls thought they were alone, but my father and his friend had hid a recorder so they could listen to every word at a later time. Aunt Nancy said that after listening to the recording he said, "I didn't know girls used words like that." My dad chuckled at the story. Aunt Nancy asked, "Do you remember that?" He responded saying, "It sounds like something I would have done....and it definitely sounds like something I would have said I did..."